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First Test at Parker University

I know my first post was supppppper positive and bubbly but this one is probably not going to be. When I first started Parker I was really excited (I still am btw) but now that tests are starting to pop up the stress is really starting to pile on....

I always loved school when I was little...till I didn't. The act of school and learning was fun for me but the grades, the tests, and the stress never made me feel good. I know tests are important so that our schools can see if we are actually learning the material but I wish there was a different way.

I have my first test in Biology of Cells and Tissues, and I am so scared. It's this weird feeling because I know most of the concepts due to my background studying anatomy and physiology, being a personal trainer, and doing the Pre-DC program at Parker but there is still this part of me that doesn't feel like I know enough. I have studied in all the ways I could think of. I feel like my life is school, work, and the gym. Every waking moment I am studying. I know it is probably not the most productive way of studying but there is this whole inside of me that is I review one more flash card, read over one more PowerPoint, and add one more study strategy I will be fine. All it did was leave me staring at my iPad for one minute straight doing nothing. My brain feels like complete mush!

I finally just decided to take a walk to get some air and breath. I usually listen to a podcast on my walks but I just can't handle more information going into my brain. Funny enough I searched on Spotify "Long walks" playlist and a podcast can up titled "Long walks and Good Talks". I knew I had to listen! And was definitely what I needed. She talked about this feeling of needing to be good at everything. Accomplishing all your goals and all the goals everyone else has. Basically doing it all. It sounds really self-absorbed writing it out but it's less about being better than everyone else and more about feeling like you are enough. Even when you have or are doing all the things it never feels that way. You keep searching and searching for more things that will fill that whole emptiness in hopes that you will finally feel this recognition or green light that you have done enough. It's exhausting...I know.

That's why I am writing this post instead of cramming in more studying. I know I have studied leading up to this point. I know I have paid attention in class. I know I have asked a question. I know that I can take this test with flying colors...and if I don't it's not the end of the world. There's always going to be another test, another quiz, and of course the final exam. As long as I change the way I study and reflect on what I am doing is all that matters. I recently heard this from someone today and they said, "Learn to get excited from failure because that means opportunity for growth". Of course, I still need to make sure I am getting good grades but I find that people who reflect and care about their grades tend to make good grades.

So here is to a restful night of sleep and a great test tomorrow! (BCT: Macromolecule, Cell Structure, Cytoplasm, Nucleus and Junctions, Cell Cycle and Mitosis, Epithelial Tissue)

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